I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
