just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
