Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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