Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
