So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize