one might say we're banned from that church
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
