We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
