mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
