Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
