Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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