saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
