y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
