I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize