AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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