I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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