Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
