so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
