Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize