It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize