your parents love me but you hate me
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I currently don't understand fingers.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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