ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
