But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
