What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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