it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
