I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize