You can't special order awesome
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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