Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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