So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
