So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
