Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
