yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
