Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
