Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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