bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
