and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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