When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
