Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize