i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
