Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm at about main and main street
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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