Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
