Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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