Best friends brother. Beat that.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I want to be your penis for a week.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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