the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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