She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
