have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
