this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
