Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
