I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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