Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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