believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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