did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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