shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize