fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
