piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
