apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
