Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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