Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
