take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
