i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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