If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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