I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
