trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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