Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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