K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
