Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
