It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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