fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
