pedialite and red bull = repair kit
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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