How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
please come you make the beer taste better
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
