wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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