Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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