Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
