Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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