Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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