Welp...herpes.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize