I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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