There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
