I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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