u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
