I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She bit a glass in half.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
