Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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