HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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