I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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