how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
