Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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