I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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