24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
