somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
