In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
