she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize