im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
