I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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