just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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