I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
