I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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