Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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