I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
