I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
