i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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