why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
