We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize